I have been (and am) very busy. I teach six days a week, and when I'm not teaching I'm preparing to teach, which takes much longer than teaching itself. I've calculated that I do and average of 70-some hours of paid work a week, and actually do more than that because prepping takes so long. But teaching is fun, when I'm not exhausted.
Let me catch up with a few details of the past, though. There are some torture stories I missed, but I'll let that go. The other day, I saw Aasif Mandvi (a correspondent on The Daily Show) filming a movie called "7 to the Palace" right around the corner from my home, at Tandoori Palace, a typical non-descript Indian restaurant among many that line the streets nearby. ("7" refers to the 7 train, which like every subway line in Queens stops right nearby.)
[Remainder of post removed.]
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Day 4 post-op: progress
I have to defend Tori against any negative impression I may have inadvertently given of her. I have known her for along time and I've never seen a single mean or cold moment in her! She is utterly kind and warm-hearted. I'm not sure why she takes this particular attitude to my surgery, but I don't have to understand everything, and I chalk it up to a quirk. After all, she takes care of others for her job every day, and she has been at the receiving end of infirmity greater than mine, so she may have a different perspective than I do about all this.So, moral is: don't let me own frustrations reflect on her! That would be so unfair.
I went back to the doctor yesterday, and he took out the contact lenses that were serving as bandages and usually stay on for a full week, saying that I was healing very fast. My eyes felt better after that, and it may have been the lenses that were causing much of the anguish. It is still hard to bear the light, and I've been wearing dark glasses non-stop, including indoors, and even then keeping my eyes closed most of the time. Things look unclear, but not the typical blur, rather a confusing eye-strain-causing way. This morning I was helpless, but it seems better now -- my room lights are on now with no sunglasses and I am reading what I'm typing into this blog. Still not clear, and my eyeballs still feel sore, but progress (or, part of the day-to-day fluctuations).
As it is, I don't have the eyesight to enjoy fireworks, so happy Fourth everyone!!!
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Days 1-3 Post-op
This blog might get boring, it's all about my laser eye surgery travails. That's not because of self-indulgence, but because it's totally dominating my life right now. There's nothing else to do or talk about.
Ah, have things taken a turn since my last post! That evening, the suffering began. The discomfort was intense, my eyes were on fire. All I could do was lay in bed all evening with a bag of peas over my eyes (frozen peas, I mean) snacking on ibuprofen. Aaaahhhhhh! It's a good thing I have friends to call and talk to, that distracted me some from the extreme discomfort. Respecting a certain someone's wishes, I neither whined to her about this nor asked for anything. Just imagine lying there for hours nuder a bag of frozen peas thinking aaaahhh! aaahhh! aaahhh! (And I don't mean the good kind of "aaahhh")
I tried to sleep much of the evening, and again through the night, and the good news in the morning was that the pain was gone, it was back to just eye soreness. However, a new affliction was upon me. I could not open my eyes. That is, it took enormous physical exertion to open them a small amount, and then they would slam closed (because it took he same exertion to keep them open. I suppose like there were heavy weights on them. When I did open them a crack for a moment (I would try blinking open-and-closed to see sometimes) the light was painful, and I had to turn off all the lights and wear sunglasses. Looking at the time on my cell phone's display was blindingly bright. There was no way I could look anywhere near my computer screen. So, except for occasion blinks of great exertion in dim dim light, my eyes were essentially shut and I was essentially blind. All freaking day. There was little I could do besides try to sleep. Or lie in bed. All day. Occasionally would play piano, which is harder when blind but muscle memory is amazing, and I could definitely play. O cpi;d pm;u ise tje s[eed doa; mi,ners pm ,u [jpme. I could only use speed dial on my phone, since I could dial those by feel, but they came in handy to pass the time as well.
Did you ever play that game where you pretend you are blind as a kid? That's what I played all day.
By evening, I felt I could open my eyes a crack and leave them there, but I was still photosensitive. I wanted to push myself, so I went to buy a needed part from the nearby hardware store. Even though it was evening, and I wore sunglasses, I had to cover my eyes the whole trip and look through cracks in my fingers. Still, I managed.
I really wasn't expecting this. It started out so well.
I didn't tell a certain person any of this, who rarely reads the blog so I'm safe. Shirley said she's an "ice bitch" if she doesn't help me, but that's not fair, since I'm not asking her to. I'm respecting her request, though I don't understnd it, as I'd want people to respect my feelings. I admit, it creates some stress when she visits, because I feel I have to put up an act. But here on my blog, I can whine like a big baby and all of you have to take it (or, well, you don't have to read it, so there).
This morning I can do the half open photosensitive thing, hopefully that will suffice to get me to the doctor's office for my checkup. I hope. I dimmed my computer screen but I can't look at it for more than a flash, the brightness is searing, and I'm typing all of this with eyes closed. So I don't know how I'll make it all the way to Manhattan, but we'll see.
Ah, have things taken a turn since my last post! That evening, the suffering began. The discomfort was intense, my eyes were on fire. All I could do was lay in bed all evening with a bag of peas over my eyes (frozen peas, I mean) snacking on ibuprofen. Aaaahhhhhh! It's a good thing I have friends to call and talk to, that distracted me some from the extreme discomfort. Respecting a certain someone's wishes, I neither whined to her about this nor asked for anything. Just imagine lying there for hours nuder a bag of frozen peas thinking aaaahhh! aaahhh! aaahhh! (And I don't mean the good kind of "aaahhh")
I tried to sleep much of the evening, and again through the night, and the good news in the morning was that the pain was gone, it was back to just eye soreness. However, a new affliction was upon me. I could not open my eyes. That is, it took enormous physical exertion to open them a small amount, and then they would slam closed (because it took he same exertion to keep them open. I suppose like there were heavy weights on them. When I did open them a crack for a moment (I would try blinking open-and-closed to see sometimes) the light was painful, and I had to turn off all the lights and wear sunglasses. Looking at the time on my cell phone's display was blindingly bright. There was no way I could look anywhere near my computer screen. So, except for occasion blinks of great exertion in dim dim light, my eyes were essentially shut and I was essentially blind. All freaking day. There was little I could do besides try to sleep. Or lie in bed. All day. Occasionally would play piano, which is harder when blind but muscle memory is amazing, and I could definitely play. O cpi;d pm;u ise tje s[eed doa; mi,ners pm ,u [jpme. I could only use speed dial on my phone, since I could dial those by feel, but they came in handy to pass the time as well.
Did you ever play that game where you pretend you are blind as a kid? That's what I played all day.
By evening, I felt I could open my eyes a crack and leave them there, but I was still photosensitive. I wanted to push myself, so I went to buy a needed part from the nearby hardware store. Even though it was evening, and I wore sunglasses, I had to cover my eyes the whole trip and look through cracks in my fingers. Still, I managed.
I really wasn't expecting this. It started out so well.
I didn't tell a certain person any of this, who rarely reads the blog so I'm safe. Shirley said she's an "ice bitch" if she doesn't help me, but that's not fair, since I'm not asking her to. I'm respecting her request, though I don't understnd it, as I'd want people to respect my feelings. I admit, it creates some stress when she visits, because I feel I have to put up an act. But here on my blog, I can whine like a big baby and all of you have to take it (or, well, you don't have to read it, so there).
This morning I can do the half open photosensitive thing, hopefully that will suffice to get me to the doctor's office for my checkup. I hope. I dimmed my computer screen but I can't look at it for more than a flash, the brightness is searing, and I'm typing all of this with eyes closed. So I don't know how I'll make it all the way to Manhattan, but we'll see.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Post-op
Went to the surgeon today. He saw me for a quick two minutes. Apparenly one eye is 20/25 and the other 20/15, which he said is surprising because I am seeing through abrasion. Eyes are very sore and uncomfortable. I just took a nap in the afternoon. Ugh, hope the discomfort goes away soon.
Day 1 post surgery
The surgery was short, maybe 6 minutes. However, I was surprised how uncomfortable it was. The worst part for me was the clamps that hold open your eyelids, much like in A Clockwork Orange, except that they do one eye at a time. Then, the surgeon scrubbed my eyeball with a toothbrush-shaped thing, although I don't know if they were bristles. I was looking on from VERY close, of course, it looked much like someone was scrubbing the camera if I was watching TV. It's worth noting that I has the PRK procedure, not LASIK, which involves not scrubbing off the epithelium layer but instead lifting up a flap and then closing it again after the surgery. PRK is done on the surface, so no flap.
The laser action itself was not detectable, perhaps because of the anesthetic drops. I looked up at a blinking light, and as the laser ran for about 45 seconds, the light got increasingly blurry, into just a big fuzz ball. After the laser was done, with it's clackety-clacking and the burning smell of laser gas, the surgeon poured cold water on my eye to reduce swelling. That was pretty unpleasant too, I so wanted to blink. Before taking out the clamps, they slipped in a contact lens, which I'm wearing for a week. It was such a relief when the eyelid clamp came of, and even though it hadn't taken long, I cringed at the idea of doing it again for the next eye. Perhaps because I was so tense, the second eye was even more uncomfortable. The eye clamp seemed to pinch the inside of my eyelid, causing some pain. But I just toughed it out. All told, I'd say it was less unpleasant than skydiving.
I should warn you that I am writing this with my eyes closed, so if there are misspellings, you'll know why.
When it was done, I could see quite clearly. Not 20/20, but pretty well, maybe 20/50, although honestly I'm not sure what that really is. There was definitely a "wow" factor there, but I knew there was a lot ahead of me -- the eyesight should get much worse in the next few days before getting better again -- that I wasn't feeling excitement. Actually, I still don't, it feels like I'm wearing contacts, except occasionally I remind myself that I'm not. My eyes stung, perhaps because of the surgery or perhaps because of the eye drops. But essentially, that was all, and I went home with an assortment of medicines to take several times a day, and was instructed to sleep for at least five hours, wearing goggles that make me look like I'm snorkeling to ensure that I don't rub my eyes while I sleep.
Altogether, the surgeon, Dr. Eric Mandel, spent less than 10 minutes with me. I can't blame him, maybe that's all that was needed. Still, he must be raking it in. He was the most expensive surgeon I found.
So now I can see pretty well. Everything is a little fuzzy, and lights have "halos", that is, around the light there's a big fuzzy area of light, sort of like looking through a prism or movie cameras that are out of focus. It's a little annoying not to see sharply, and sometimes I have an urge to grab my glasses. My eyes feel a little uncomfortable, like there is an injury there, plus the contact lenses are beginning to feel like lenses do when you wear them too long, overnight. But this is just the start of a slow process, that will get worse soon, so I have to be patient.
The laser action itself was not detectable, perhaps because of the anesthetic drops. I looked up at a blinking light, and as the laser ran for about 45 seconds, the light got increasingly blurry, into just a big fuzz ball. After the laser was done, with it's clackety-clacking and the burning smell of laser gas, the surgeon poured cold water on my eye to reduce swelling. That was pretty unpleasant too, I so wanted to blink. Before taking out the clamps, they slipped in a contact lens, which I'm wearing for a week. It was such a relief when the eyelid clamp came of, and even though it hadn't taken long, I cringed at the idea of doing it again for the next eye. Perhaps because I was so tense, the second eye was even more uncomfortable. The eye clamp seemed to pinch the inside of my eyelid, causing some pain. But I just toughed it out. All told, I'd say it was less unpleasant than skydiving.
I should warn you that I am writing this with my eyes closed, so if there are misspellings, you'll know why.
When it was done, I could see quite clearly. Not 20/20, but pretty well, maybe 20/50, although honestly I'm not sure what that really is. There was definitely a "wow" factor there, but I knew there was a lot ahead of me -- the eyesight should get much worse in the next few days before getting better again -- that I wasn't feeling excitement. Actually, I still don't, it feels like I'm wearing contacts, except occasionally I remind myself that I'm not. My eyes stung, perhaps because of the surgery or perhaps because of the eye drops. But essentially, that was all, and I went home with an assortment of medicines to take several times a day, and was instructed to sleep for at least five hours, wearing goggles that make me look like I'm snorkeling to ensure that I don't rub my eyes while I sleep.
Altogether, the surgeon, Dr. Eric Mandel, spent less than 10 minutes with me. I can't blame him, maybe that's all that was needed. Still, he must be raking it in. He was the most expensive surgeon I found.
So now I can see pretty well. Everything is a little fuzzy, and lights have "halos", that is, around the light there's a big fuzzy area of light, sort of like looking through a prism or movie cameras that are out of focus. It's a little annoying not to see sharply, and sometimes I have an urge to grab my glasses. My eyes feel a little uncomfortable, like there is an injury there, plus the contact lenses are beginning to feel like lenses do when you wear them too long, overnight. But this is just the start of a slow process, that will get worse soon, so I have to be patient.
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